Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
