look no pants
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
