Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Bang-toberfest begins!!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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