I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
