I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
