So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
