I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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