I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
