3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
