he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
