know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
