Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
