i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
