I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
