dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
