Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
