Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
