It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
