wakey wakey hands off snakey
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
