I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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