Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
