the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
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Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
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guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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