I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
