Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
