I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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