Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
