i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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