It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
