Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
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