So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
