woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
