id be glad to
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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