I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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