I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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