I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
