I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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