it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
