It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
