Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
