where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
