Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
