the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
