We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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