some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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