Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
