you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card