I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
