What a fucking waste of an outfit
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
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As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
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I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?