i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
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Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
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It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face