Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.