Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize