Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
