I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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