nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
