Pants 0. Shit 1.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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