So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
