if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
