Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
