Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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