Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
