Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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