I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
