never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
