My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
