Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
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Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
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Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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