Michael Bay diarrhea
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
