anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
