there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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