Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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