Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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