were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
