We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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