Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
