she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
