Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
