I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
