Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
