What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
what the fuck happened to the tacos
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
