So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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