I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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