i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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