so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
