You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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